All Paths Lead to Chaos

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This object was found in my basement.
I have no idea where it came from or what it's for. It has no places for it to be attached to anything or to be interlocked with something else. At first I thought it was just flash form something else, but it has the word "TOP" on one side of it and I dont think that a manufacturer would mold words on something that's supposed to me thrown away.
If anyone has any idea as to what this is or what it's for (or even if you want to take a wild guess) please contact The Lord of Chaos

I was at a No Frills on December 24th. The lines were so big that people were forming lines down the aisles. Everything was going fine though, the lines were moving in some sort of order or another, and people were keeping things together. It should be pointed out at this time that most of the customers were parents with children of various ages, and they were all (surprisingly) being very patient and courtious. They were even trying to give people some space and not crowding those in front of them with their carts.
I was six carts from the cash register (standing next to the ever expanding variety of cereals in the aisle) having a conversation with a six year old. I find that such conversations can more enjoyable than ones with adults. I think that this is because young children have not yet been around long enough to be exposed to the things that make people stupid, ignorant, annoying, and (as a friend has pointed out) jaded and defensive, so their minds are quite open and more understanding.
Out of nowhere, comes this woman. This woman, with the exception of her method of walking, looked incredibly unlike a penguin, and brought with her a chocolate-faced three-year-old and a cart that was overflowing with an amazing amount of small packaged goods that no ordinary person would ever want or need to have on the day before Christmas. Such thoughts, I realized, must never dawn on some people.
This woman (who, as I said before, looks nothing like a penguin) pushes her cart and drags her child and cuts right into the gap between the lady that is paying and the guy behind her, into the checkout (which, as I said before, was backed up into the aisles), and starts to unload her dangerously overloaded cart. As she does this, she scolds her child, and stops to count the hundred and fifty coupons in her purse. Everyone in the line up saw this, but the most anyone did was mumble unhappily. Finally, I stepped out of the line, walked up to the woman, and said “Excuse me, this gentleman here was next in line. You budded in front of him” Her response was that she hadn’t, and she proceeded to explain to me that he was not in line. I responded by saying that he had been in line, because I had been standing in the same line as him for the last twenty minutes. She slowly explained to me that if he had been in the line then HE would be unloading his cart because he would have been next IN THE LINE. I pointed out that it’s hard to be next in the line when other people don’t understand that the line starts at the other end of the store. Many other people, particularly the gentlemanwhom had been budded, agreed with me, and said so. Eventually, the woman went to the end of the line.
I returned to my spot in the line, and was told very rudely by the woman whose child I had talked to that I had just budded her. I told her that I was just standing here, and had only moved from my spot to stop another person from budding someone else. She said that I had never been standing here in the first place. I tried to make her understand that I had just been talking to her son, and her son confirmed it for me. He reply was “Jesse, don’t talk unless you are spoken to” I gave up and relinquished my former spot in the line. I stood, instead, between lines and watched as woman I had lost my spot to rolled up beside someone else in another line.
As usual, chaos ensued. The lines broke down, people argued, some yelled; others took the spots of the people who were yelling in the line-up. I stood there and wondered how a group of parents, who by now should know something about organization and getting along with others could let things fall apart so quickly. I strained my mind to understand how someone who can organize a birthday party containing fifteen six-year-olds could not grasp a concept like FORMING A LINE.

The truth is people are stupid. Human beings, in groups, are less organized than any other species on this planet. It seems to me that the overall intellegence of a given group of people varies inversely with the amount of people in the given group. Meaning that the more people there are in a group, the less intellegent that group will be. That is why the greatest achievements in the history of man were done by single individuals, not by groups of people. If a group of people get together to try to do something, they will always manage to screw something up. The only thing that people never screw up on is the fact that they always screw things up.

There are certain things that I have discovered that would have been very helpful to know earlier on in life. Here They are.

There is always Emergency Kleenex in the meat section of a grocery store.
A pillow fort simply wont last.
Treat others as if they treated you first.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
People are stupid.
The passage of time is inversely proportional to the amount of attention paid to it.
The woman is always right. Even if she's wrong she's right.
Always try to make a profit.
Never bribe, always tip.
Never lick anything unless you know exactly where it has been.
Your urine is sterile, you can drink it.
Always end propositions as statements.
People are stupid.
Never give change to anyone.
Blink as little as possible.
Restaurants are the only places where mathematics doesn’t work.
Never trust your gut feeling.
Always trust your instincts.
You always break even in the end.
Never pay the hooker until AFTER you have had sex with her.
Always carry a towel.
Only penguins can make more penguins.
Out of order comes chaos.
Out of Chaos comes confusion and fear.
Then comes lunch
Your tongue is instantly attracted to anything that enters your mouth
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s the problem.
People are stupid.
Under no circumstances should you ever need to share someone else’s underpants.
Should you ever meet yourself, the correct course of action is to hit yourself so hard that you wont know what hit you.
If you drive twenty minutes in any direction from the city of Barrie you will eventually see cows.
Reality is subjective and based solely on comparison, point-of-view, and mass-acceptance.
You will spend 1/6 of your life just traveling around from point A to point B.
It is mathematically impossible to travel from point A to point B.
You will never know who your friends are until you ask them to help you move.
There are four truths in this world. They are known as the Four Nothings:
- Nothing works
- Nothing matters
- Nothing is absolute
- Nothing can be done about the first three
Things always seem to work out if you don’t care whether they do or not
There should be a course that everyone has to take, which teaches people how to behave when they go out in public
People are stupid.
Life is the most contagious disease known to man:
- Life is sexually transmitted.
- There is a one 100% chance YOU will catch Life
- Life is always fatal

This is an actual newspaper article found in the Toronto Sun. Do not look at the pictures until you’ve read the entire article:

Oz croc devours bomb victim
Woman hurt in Bali
SYDNEY (Daily Mail) – A student from Germany was killed by a monster crocodile yesterday – 11 days after she narrowly escaped death in the Bali bombing.
Isabel von Jordan, 24, went to Australia with friends who were injured in the night-club blast and were sent to a Darwin hospital for treatment.
In the early hours yesterday, the backpacker was grabbed by a four-meter saltwater crocodile as she and a group of companions defied warning signs and took a nigh-time swim in a moonlit Outback waterhole.
One of the group, James Rothwell, form Essex England, told last night how the horror began when he felt the creature bang against his leg about ten meters form the shore.
“A few seconds later, I heard a girl scream and she went under the water,” he said.
But moments later, the group scrambled out of the water amid cries of “crocodile!”
The animal had grabbed Isabel around the waist and as the swimmer shone torches on it swam off holding her in its jaws.
“We saw two red eyes going away from where the girl had gone under and the outline of a crocodile swimming along the surface,” Rothwell said.
At dawn, wildlife rangers searching the area around the waterhole in the Kakadu National Park found the animal 1.5 Km away, Isabel still in its jaws. I took six harpoons to shoot it dead before they could recover the body.

Now lets look at the sign…. Would YOU go into a water-hole surrounded by those types of signs? Not even two weeks after she had nearly been killed by a bomb she decides to try her luck with crocodiles. Read the fucking sign, lady. If the sign says you may be killed if you go into the water then just maybe it says that for a reason. I mean, take a fucking hint! What’s ironic about this story is that she was at a “…Darwin hospital…”. As you may know, Charles Darwin is famous for his theories on evolution, namely the fact that only the organisms which are smart enough to survive will actually survive. Isabel, apparently, was not…